Everybody Knows Somebody
This week is national eating disorder awareness week. And the slogan for 2013 NEDA week is "Everybody Knows Somebody". And since I have already put my self out there with my last post, I felt like I had some more courage to write about my own struggles with an eating disorder.It is very hard to know what should be said. The last thing I would ever want to encourage is negative behaviors to anyone reading. And for those who already knew a little about what I have dealt with, this won't be news. But, to those who have never known, now you do.
I started my recovery in 2010 by entering Center For Change treatment facility. I thought going inpatient was a little extreme for me, especially when I started realizing that many of these girls were either a lot deeper in the illness, or had suffered for many years longer than myself. And this leads me to my first point of misconceptions of eating disorders.
It doesn't matter how much you weigh or how long you have been suffering. The behaviors of any person suffering with an eating disorder, of any kind (restriction, binge eating, over exercising, purging) are DANGEROUS. The consequences of those behavior can be deadly. Some are immediate, others may not play out until later years in life. Disordered eating is disordered eating, period.
Inpatient was exhausting. All of the control and day to day decisions are taken away from you. There is a set schedule and routine. Weigh in and vitals in the morning. Every meal is pre portioned, and if you don't finish your plate, you have to have a meal replacement shake (hope it is the chocolate because that is the most bearable). That is just the physical part. The real trial was mental. Talking to each other, talking to your therapist, talking in groups, writing, crying, anger. You were pushed to be honest with yourself, your feelings, your issues. And this leads me to my next point: Food is only a symptom.
I can only speak for myself as to why I developed an eating disorder, and it wasn't to lose weight. I remember the day it all started, actually. (Most things in between 2008 and 2010 are pretty fuzzy. When you are malnourished your brain literally starts suffering. I have a hard time remember many details of those two years.) The point is, there is always underlying issues as to why anyone as an eating disorder. Or, any addiction really. Eating Disorders are just another type of addiction. The reason I developed an ED is not going to be the same as someone else. I would never assume to know why someone has one, but I sure as hell can empathize.
And here I will make my final message. It is about changing how we think about ourselves, and what we talk about day to day regarding food and body image. I have a hard time thinking it will ever happen. Some of the closest friends I have, who know what I have dealt with, still don't understand there are certain comments they probably shouldn't make in front of me. I realize that people shouldn't have to monitor themselves, and I am in the part of my recovery where I am less sensitive. But, what if I wasn't as stable? If an alcoholic were in recovery would you invite them to go to bars, or have a drink? When people talk to me about weight, diets, or negative body issues, I still have to tune it out sometimes.
I will never be totally immune. I wish we could all stop worrying about what others are eating, commenting on what people are choosing to eat, judging ourselves for wanting something sweet. If you want to have that doughnut, eat it. If your friend doesn't want to eat one with you, its okay. If you want to eat a salad, eat it. We should be able to eat what we want with out positive or negative feedback.
If you have read this whole post, thank you. If you have any further questions let me know. I am very open about discussing what I have learned as I have gone through the recovery process. I now challenge you to start focusing on positive self talk. And overtime, I bet we can start changing the world.
